{"id":1627,"date":"2017-06-19T07:00:19","date_gmt":"2017-06-19T13:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/?p=1627"},"modified":"2017-06-18T22:28:28","modified_gmt":"2017-06-19T04:28:28","slug":"xanadu-a-bad-movie-ive-watched-many-many-many-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/xanadu-a-bad-movie-ive-watched-many-many-many-times\/","title":{"rendered":"XANADU: A Bad Movie I’ve Watched Many, Many, MANY Times"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Bad<\/a><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s make something clear from the outset: Gene Kelly was a national treasure.\u00a0 I\u2019m not a big \u201cold movie\u201d watcher, but damn if Singing in the Rain<\/strong><\/em> doesn\u2019t hold up to the test of time.\u00a0 And a lot of that has to do with Mr. Gene Kelly.<\/p>\n

Which makes his presence in Xanadu\u2014which ended up being his final movie\u2014somewhat mystifying. He’s better than this. \u00a0So much better than this. \u00a0However, in being so, the man adds a touch of class to a movie that would otherwise be a glorious clusterfuck of holy whatness.<\/p>\n

\"b05-29b\"<\/a>Because this movie does not make a lick of sense, and I think we all know this. \u00a0I mean, the plot goeth thusly: an artist (Sonny, played by Michael Beck) is tired of working for the man, and his muse shows up and teams him up with Gene Kelly, and they open a roller disco together.\u00a0\u00a0 THAT\u2019S IT.<\/p>\n

The more I think about it, the more confused I am by this.\u00a0 Specifically: given the Point A that Sonny starts at, how reaching Point B at the end is possibly considered a win.\u00a0 I mean, I get that he\u2019s a struggling artist who just wants to do his art on not answer to the man\u2026 that makes sense, in an immature kind of way.\u00a0 Yeah, he\u2019s having a petty hissy fit about purity of art, but some artists do that.\u00a0 He wants to paint and draw what he wants, not what those corporate types want to dictate to him!\u00a0 Fine. \u00a0Understandable character motivation.<\/p>\n

But what in the name of the nine muses does that have to do with running a roller-disco club?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>And, hey, lets get into that whole nine muses thing, since that\u2019s a key element of the story.\u00a0 Olivia Newton-John plays a literal daughter-of-Zeus muse.\u00a0 Named Kira.\u00a0 Now, I know my muses: Clio, Thalia, Erato, Euterpe, Polyhymnia, Calliope, Terpsichore, Urania, Melpomene.\u00a0 No Kira.\u00a0 Now, \u00a0I’ve seen some claim that Kira is really Terpsichore, but I say that\u2019s retconning bullshit.\u00a0 Because this movie gives no sign that the maker had any idea that the muses had specific names or roles.\u00a0 They\u2019re just nine hot ladies in flowing dresses, and eight of them don\u2019t do squat.<\/p>\n

Plus when Sonny confronts Zeus, Zeus calls her \u201cKira\u201d.\u00a0 So don\u2019t try to sell me that \u201cshe\u2019s really Terpsichore\u201d crap.<\/p>\n

But who cares about all that?\u00a0 This movie is about crazy, crazy musical numbers with Olivia Newton-John and ELO. \u00a0Muses coming to life from a mural? \u00a0That’s a musical number. \u00a0Shopping for clothes?\u00a0 That\u2019s a musical number.\u00a0 Falling in love?\u00a0 That\u2019s a musical number with Don Bluth animation.<\/p>\n

\"20090203-xanadu-1\"<\/a>And dreaming up this crazy club that would be run by classy Gene Kelly and not-doing-art-for-the-man Sonny?\u00a0 You know that\u2019s a musical number.\u00a0 In fact, that\u2019s my favorite, where Gene is dreaming up a big band number with Olivia fronting an Anderson Sistersesque trio, and Sonny is dreaming up a \u201chot band\u201d that\u2019s as early 80s New Wave as you can get.\u00a0 (The Tubes, actually).\u00a0 OK, it’s more correct to say that the Anderson Sisters thing is clearly Olivia singing, but the three girls up there doing the bit are very much not Olivia.\u00a0 And the \u201c80s\u201d vision is some serious retro-sci-fi nightmare fuel. \u00a0But, while the 40s-style song is fine enough, and the 80s-style song is pretty weak sauce\u2026 I have to admit, when the two songs come together, I kind of dig it.<\/p>\n

Absolutely zero plot is expended in “how will we start a new dance club?”. \u00a0The idea is brought up, and then they’re going to open it. \u00a0There really are no roadblocks whatsoever. Gene decided he wants to open a club and told Sonny, \u201cAnd you\u2019re my partner!\u201d, and they’re off to the races. \u00a0Done deal. \u00a0The only impediment to a perfect opening night is that Kira, being a Muse and subject to the arbitrary rules of musedom or something, has to go back into her painting.\u00a0 Because she did her job and inspired Sonny\u2014the artist and painter\u2014 to open a dance club.<\/p>\n

Yeah, I’m not going to let that go.<\/p>\n

Zeus lets her go to the opening night anyway, so it really isn\u2019t a big deal.\u00a0 Clearly the people who made this movie realized there wasn\u2019t a scrap of conflict, so they had to add a touch of drama. I mean, really, this movie has barely a wisp of actual content.\u00a0 It\u2019s filled with songs and dances, and still clocks in at under 90 minutes.\u00a0 So there isn\u2019t much time to actually talk or have a plot or anything.<\/p>\n

With that out of the way, it’s time to get the club open. \u00a0And by \u201cget the club open\u201d I mean create a roller-derby fascist zoot-suited nightmare.\u00a0 Clapping, stomping in unison, matching outfits and shouting \u201cXANADU!\u201d together.\u00a0 Even granting that its 80-ness has aged poorly, it is deeply, deeply disturbing. \u00a0But yet it’s exactly the sort of club that Stefan from SNL would love. \u00a0It’s got everything. Roller-skating tap dance. \u00a0Mimes on tightropes. \u00a0Sci-fi space queens. \u00a0I imagine if someone wandered into this club, they would presume they had stumbled upon a cult.\u00a0 Which it kind of is, because then it ends with huge TOTALLY INSANE song and dance number with all nine muses where they jump around through different musical styles magically.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure who thought having Olivia switching on a dime from glamrock sexpot to cowboy girl was a good idea. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Frankly, there were very few good ideas in this movie.\u00a0 Save giving Gene Kelly a dance number with Olivia dressed in a WWII Uniform. That was excellent. \u00a0Because that man was a national treasure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Let\u2019s make something clear from the outset: Gene Kelly was a national treasure.\u00a0 I\u2019m not a big \u201cold movie\u201d watcher, but damn if Singing in the Rain doesn\u2019t hold up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1627"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1627"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1627\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1629,"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1627\/revisions\/1629"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrmaresca.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}